what is left to give?

...when you gave away, the love i gave.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

childhood depression

A man can tell a thousand lies; I've learned my lesson well, hope I live to tell the secret I knew then-- til then, it will burn inside of me.

a speculated change of venue

social worker = void
physicist = enabled

i am beginning to see the politics behind a structure that is supposed to be lead by compassion and heart felt duty. a mutual facilitation towards familial equillibrium is supposed to be the goal- not a financial oriented motivator that is built and enforced based upon time constraints.

i would much rather deal with the laws of physics, than laws based on inequality and injustice.

*sigh*

i will continue to seep through the negativity for as much as i can, but i only have so much tolerance for bullshit.

i am requesting a peace conference.

wish me luck.

mood food

as i sit here eating my green tea mochi, i ponder about the socio-biological cycle our bodies go through on a daily basis.

provocation of this thought began a few minutes ago, when i was eating tapatio sauce with chips. as most know, i am a big fan of "food surfing," a term my professor's sister made up, which refers to eating hot chile with food.

so, i was eating, woopty woo, when i began to think of my physiological responses to eating the spicy jalapeno: 1) i eat the chile, 2) the chile then burns my tounge, 3) my body feels the pain, 4) my nervous system responds to the pain, and then 5) norepinephrine secretions are made, which then results in the secretions of endorphins.

although, my mood felt good after eating the chile, the pain still lingered, so, of course i went into the fridge to get something cold to ease the burning sensation. i began eating my mochi (japanese ice cream), and the pain went away.

this was interesting because it confirmed the previous cycle- 1) a social force (jalapeno - hot) negatively affected the external biological structure (tounge), which then affected internal biological structures (nervous system-neurological systems- pain responses)-- then a social force was later introduced (ice cream - cold), which positively affected the outer biological structure (tounge), which then created an even greater positive neurological response, since now there is an introduction of dopamine, due to the sweets.

thus, a socio-neurobiological equillibrium has been created.

my brain is craving additional dopamine secretions as i type: "get more sugar" it tells me.

its funny how our bodies respond, cope and function within an enviornmental setting.

its a continuous cycle- we bang ourselves in the head with something, our body chemically responds, we provide external responses to the injured site (i.e. rubbing, ice, etc), our body responds- chemically once again, and then we feel better.

i wonder-
would eating jalapenos, while high off of a dopamine inducing drug, facilitate and increase a positive mood? I mean, you have the endorphins going, and then the added dopamine.

hmmmmm....

although, i do prefer the alternative
- eating jalapenos in conjunction with delicious food, and then easing the pain with sweets (preferrably- chocolate ice cream or cold soda)

... the nerd in me, cant help but to ask.

gotta love them enviornmental based endorphine-dopamine secretions.

this concludes my random thought of the day.

Ozzie

You.... suck.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

why are you in my computer right now?
technology is a trip.

...and yr probably not reading this as i type because you are a nerd news junkie.
yep.
see.
i knew it

fawkin Dawson.

oh lord.
its double confirmed.
yr a lame
and the fact that yr in my puter and yr not seeing me type this shit LIVE
triple confirms that shit.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

i want...

to departiclize my brain.

d i s a p p e a r a n c e
once upon a rainbow
(sigh)

.........................

chalk eating anyone?
laundry detergent?

Luminol.

There was blood, but no body.

... that was the theme for today.

sometimes i feel that people need to understand the concept of circumstantial evidence a bit better, so that they may apply it to their every day lives-
to avoid misconceptions that is.

in other words,
a common man's perception
of absence,
is not always indicative of complete validity,
as truth
does not equate
within all eyes.


one should dig deeper to find answers, before they point their fingers.

M.D.M.A.

is equivalent to a year of couples therapy within a 6 hour period.
it was also used to generate emphathy.

but is it really worth the s e r a t o n i n f l o o d i n g s?
(aka. suicide tuesdays)

my advice: preserve yr dopamine.



~One man's schizophrenia is another man's enlightenment. What is your prescription for happiness?~