ality - re

so i have realized that my eyes were closed shut for a few days
as i was lost in the way of the world
sometimes its so hard to drown in the multiple exchanges of energy
especially when there are so many forces affecting you
and you are not thinking clearly
as yr frame of mind is posessed by chemicals that cloud true judgement

i kind of feel like i am on the recovery spectrum
you know that chart that is utilized when understanding addiction and treatment
up
down
up
down

this weekend was my relapse

and right before i was about to lose it today
the universe called on me with a friendly reminder as to who and why i am here
what my message is to others
and what i need to represent

galactic beingness

sometimes it is so difficult though
i will not lie
to manage the ying and yang
which makes me - ME!
there are so many complexities
and interruptions
and failed recognitions

its like i am managing traffic in outerspace
where everything is out of control
despite laws that are in place

but i guess that is the test of life
yet once again
all to bring enlightenment

i was asked today
how i have managed to handle so much
there was a spotlight aiming directly at the foundation of my resilience

that which boggles the mind
boggles the soul

those who chose to recognize these binary existences
will understand the answer i provide
those who fail
must look within themselves
as they need to realign

we must not dwell
is what i said
personally
all i can do is handle this the way i have handled everything in life
not looking back in a manner where i will sustain negativity
rather
looking back with the intent to gain knowledge
to understand
and try once again
to regulate all the craziness around me

though my initial human instinct is telling me to be angry at those that have interferred in my life
i must rise above that
and forgive
as i cannot expect everyone to be evolved
or emotionally intelligent to the point of common sense

i understand people's alterior motives
and i see their malicious intent
all hidden in their actions
sometimes these things are not something that one can overtly see
but once analyzed
the underlying message is found

but when i really think about it
and apply it to my way of life
i say-- who am i to impose justice when i am no one but a mere seeker of truth


as i always say: everything in life shall be revealed. no wrong doing will go unpaid.

so for now, i will continue to function as i have been
questioning hearts, minds, and souls, as a way to ease my curiosities,
but i will not impose retribution, neither mental or emotional--
the universe will handle that in due time.

so whether i open myself to others, and people dont reciprocate, or whether i see evil intent in another to destroy or excert jealousies or even worse-- displaying an elevated sense of being-- it will all be acknolwedged, if need be, and it will be let go......... down into the stream that carries darkness away. i have done all that i can do in being honest and genuine with what it is i see and feel. if individuals do not want to appreciate that-- then out of my life they will go, as i have no place for narcissistic tendencies. though i will forgive and not hold anything against the individual, i just will chose to not sustain a draining relationship. i just hope that those around me realize their actions before it gets to this point.

therefore,

the continued mission: to be completely in light.
i will accept the errors as lessons
and move forward with great anticipation
knowing that love and peace await.

this shall be my daily exersise.